The Horrible Murder of Hypatia

HYPATIA was the greatest female philosopher who ever lived. Being the only child of Theon of Alexandria, a mathematician of some note, she received an education normally available only to boys from good homes. Her early interest in mathematics matured into a devotion to philosophy. So great were her accomplishments, that she was given the chair of Platonic philosophy at Alexandria. Indeed, she was the acknowledged authority on Neo-Platonism, which had a great influence also on Xian and Jewish intellectuals. One of most devoted pupils was the rational Xian Synesius of Cyrene (there were a few), who became bishop of Pitolaïs, c. 411.

Indeed, it is because of Synesius, who wrote cautiously about his beloved teacher - lest he share her gruesome fate - that we know anything about Hypatia. This brilliant woman would have nothing to do with the "circumcised Apollo," whose cult had been crammed down the throat of the Empire. Her relationships with honest Xians (like Synesius) were cordial, but she openly scorned the fantatics: the lice-ridden, filth-covered monks, who rejoiced in "mortification of the flesh," as the psychopatic Hellenized Jew (Saul of Tarsus, aka "Saint" Paul) had preached. ("Saint" Jerome, who had translated the scriptures into Dick-&-Jane Latin [the Vulgate] referred to body lice as "pearls of God" and boasted he preserved his chastity, because he stank so badly no woman would come near him.)
Hypatia extolled the Truth: filth was filth, and those who wallowed in it weren't "holy"; they were degenerate swine! This, of course, infuriated the Swine. In c. 415, a pack of these psychotics, egged on by their bishop "Saint" Cyril, who had become bishop in 412 and was determined to rid the city of pagans and Jews, attacked Hypatia in the lecture hall. Using razor-sharp oyster shells, they carved the living flesh from her bones. Her remains, all her possessions, and all her writings were burned. Rather than being contrite, Cyril gloated in a letter "After Hypatia, the 'philosophers' have learned to keep their mouths shut!" (In 1882, the same Cyril was declared "a Doctor of the Church"!)

Thus perished the greatest of female philosophers!


Perhaps Goodie-Two-Shoes, the Flying Pontiff, should pass out condoms as penance for the murder of this magnificent woman.


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